It came unexpectedly. The fear.
What if one of my boys develops a kidney disease and I can’t save his life because I already gave away a kidney?
Fear is like that, you know? You’re walking along all confident that you’re doing the right thing, then WHAM. It hits you like the smell of skunk and you can’t shake it. It wafts after you, tendrils reaching out, trying to encompass you in its stench. You know it’s not good for you but it’s just so darn persistent.
I sat in that fear for awhile, stewing in the stench of the what ifs.
What if the doctors find a disease while I’m being screened?
What if my body reacts poorly to anesthetic?
What if my body doesn’t handle the loss of a kidney the way I expect?
What if someone I know needs a kidney and I can’t help them?
What if I get in a car accident and my remaining kidney gets injured?
What if…what if…what if…
The what ifs of life can leave us paralyzed, sitting in the waiting room of life. We want to take that step of faith but never quite get around to taking it. Instead, we sit and watch others get called to something greater, and we wonder what life is like on the other side of the fear.
Of this I’m quite sure: on the other side of the fear is abundant life.
But the way to get to this abundance is not to grab life by the horns and extract every morsel of living I possibly can.
Nope. The way to get to this abundance is to take up my cross and follow Him, to give myself away.
I need a new set of what ifs.
“What if instead of waiting for good things to happen to us, we could be the good thing to happen to someone else who’s waiting?
What if we could cure our own waiting room addiction by making room in our life to be the good others are waiting for?
What if instead of sitting in life’s waiting room, waiting for a chance for something good enough to happen to check off a bucket list –
what if abundant living isn’t about what you can expect from life, but what life can expect from you?” (The Broken Way, Ann Voskamp)
So how can I make room in my life to be the good someone else is waiting for?
What if I reach out to the lonely, to the hurting, offering a listening ear and a casserole?
What if I am gentle with my son when he disobeys, offering a gracious heart?
What if I give away a kidney, offering life to someone dying from the inside out?
“Why grow the list of what I want to have instead of the list of what I can give? Why not let the heart grow big with a love large enough that it breaks your heart and gives bits of you away?” (The Broken Way, Ann Voskamp)
So I’m going to give bits of myself away. Literally, if I’m able. But it’s terrifying.
What if we were not afraid?
We might not be able to rid ourselves completely of fear. Sometimes it will come, like the stench in the air we can’t do anything about. But it’s what we do with the fear that defines us.
[tweetthis]We cannot rid ourselves completely of fear, but it’s what we do with the fear that defines us.[/tweetthis]
Will we allow our fear to keep us in the waiting room of life? Or will we walk forward, head held high, into the stench, and pour ourselves out anyway, because He doesn’t call us to simply be unafraid, but to be unafraid because HE is with us.
What if we were afraid, but we did it anyway?
What if we did it scared?
I said at the beginning of this year that I wasn’t going to make any goals or resolutions or pick a word of the year or any such thing. But one phrase keeps coming back to mind, and I think I’m going to live in it this year, or until I’ve learned what God wants me to learn.
#doitscared
The fear may reach out with its tendrils, hoping to keep me in its clutches. But I’ll #doitscared.
What is it that God is calling you to this year? It is something terrifying? Maybe we can #doitscared together.
May the peace of Christ be with you,
Christie
Did you find this post encouraging, motivating, or thought-provoking? Please share it with a friend!
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Doing life scared. So often when I am afraid I hide. This piece spoke deeply into my heart about my own fears. My goal, with you, is to do my life scared…. with Him. Thank you for calling me into something greater.
I am so glad that our paths have crossed Janet. No hiding allowed anymore! 😉
Im with you on this Christie. Im #doingitscared as well. At the end we will be able to say thank God I tried doing it.
Thanks for the beautiful piece
God Bless you!
God bless you too Sylvia. I think you are so right, that in the end, we will be grateful for the journey.
#doitscared — putting this on my computer desktop as a reminder/challenge!
Good idea! Hmmm, maybe I can make a desktop picture!
So glad I came across this today! I am headed soon to my first 30 talk to moms, and am nervous as all getout. But what if…it is amazing and God changes hearts? What if…a mom comes broken and leaves with hope? What if…I step more powerfully into the pull God is placing on my next steps? Thank you so much
I’m so glad you’re doing it scared! May God bring fresh hope to these moms through your words.