Susan Gaddis and I share a heartbeat: we both long for parents and grandparents to truly understand their great influence in the spiritual lives of kids. It’s an honor to welcome Susan to my home-on-the-web today. Susan is a pastoral counselor, author, speaker, mom and grandma.
If you’re looking for another resource for faithful grandparenting, listen to my podcast interview with these 4 fabulous Christian grandmothers!
Doesn’t it just rip you up inside when your grown child shows no interest in the Lord?
Maybe you raised your kids in the faith, and maybe you didn’t.
Either way, your faith, the most important part of your life, is ignored—set aside as ancient history or labeled “Emergency Use Only.”
And you wonder where you missed it? What could you have done differently in raising this child?
And then there are the grandkids.
What about their faith journey? They aren’t being raised to know Jesus personally. And considering the world they’re growing up in, they NEED Christ!
Sometimes you question God’s promises.
Or wake up at 3:00 in the morning with scary thoughts running through your head concerning your grown kids and grandkids.
Hope has drained out of your soul, and you’re not sure how to get a refill.
You’re not alone.
Few kids raised in a Christian environment continue to follow Christ after leaving home for the grownup world. Varying statistics show anywhere from 70% to 88% percent don’t attend church after high school.
That’s scary, especially when one of those is YOUR child!
I know how you feel. I’ve raised six kids, and one is still out getting his testimony.
What makes it worse is that my husband and I are pastors! You’d think we’d know how to raise Christ followers.
I thought we did. But I was wrong. And I make no apology for it.
We did the best we could, and I know you did too.
So what’s a grandma and grandpa to do?
Quite a lot.
I’m going to give you some ideas to help you reignite hope and touch your grown children and grandchildren for the Lord.
3 ways to slip Jesus into the lives of your grown kids and grandkids:
1. Tell stories
Next time you find yourself snuggling on the couch with a few grandchildren or running an errand with them in the car, tell a funny childhood story about their parent—the parent that is your son or daughter.
Follow that up with one of your God stories. Maybe a time when the Lord answered a prayer you prayed for the parent of those grandkids—or a miracle God has done in your life.
Kids love hearing stories about their parents and grandparents, especially if the stories are funny.
Simple. Fun. Engaging.
When your grandchildren go home, and their parents ask, “What did you do at Grandmas,” guess what will be repeated back to the parent?
Both stories will get repeated. The funny one first. The God story second.
And quietly, gently, the Holy Spirit has an opportunity to move on both your grown child and your grandchildren.
2. Pray for your grown kids to become uncomfortable
None of us like to see our kids going through a difficult time. Yet, struggles are often a window for them to catch a glimpse of God.
It doesn’t matter how old a kid or grandkid is, being in a rough situation makes him or her more open to God.
A small child scrapes his knee and welcome’s Grandma’s kiss, bandage, and a prayer.
A grown son runs into business problems and is more open to Mom and Dad’s listening ear, encouragement, hugs, and their prayers. Especially if they ask what he would specifically like them to pray about.
3. Allow your grown child to sin
Don’t expect your unsaved kid, or prodigal, to act like a Christian. He’s not following the Lord. Why should he act like he is? He is going to do things that you don’t like and don’t approve of.
Even if he shows interest in Jesus, he isn’t going to act like Jesus any time soon. Transformation takes a lifetime, remember?
Your job is to love your child as Jesus loves him. God is so passionately in love with your son or daughter that He looks past the sin and smothers that kid with goodness and grace.
The goodness of God leads to repentance (Romans 2:4), and it is grace that teaches him to say no to sin (Titus 2:11-12).
Does that mean that God approves of the sin your kid embraces?
Of course not!
It just means He isn’t going to lecture your kid about it. And neither should you.
Your child knows your values. He knows about your faith in Christ.
What he needs most from you is to feel loved, valued, accepted, and respected. That’s what people felt around Jesus, even the worse of sinners.
Unless they were proud, religious people. Those kinds of people didn’t respond to Jesus like the rest of the sinners.
Let the uncomfortable situations in your child’s life, especially the circumstances that are a result of his choosing, do what they do best—reveal his sin to his own heart.
And if you’re not sure your kid is getting that message, pray that he will. But don’t lecture.
At some point, he’ll be looking for a Rescuer and a Savior. The Holy Spirit always makes sure there are those opportunities. That’s His job—to make Jesus known.
And the Holy Spirit often opens those opportunities at the weirdest times and in the most surprising ways. (In other words, don’t put all your eggs in the “I’ve got to get my kid to go to church” basket.)
And since you’ve done such a good job of representing the God who loves him unconditionally, he’ll know to seek out the Lord.
That’s when the Holy Spirit will nudge you to share the freedom found only in Christ. And your kid will hear with new ears because he knows, he really knows, that he needs help.
~~~
There you have it—three simple things you can do that the Holy Spirit can use to connect with your grown child.
Now… go out there and love your kid.
Susan Gaddis is a pastoral counselor, author, speaker, mom, and grandma, who gives women the down-home soul utensils + “recipes” to create an amazing legacy of faith. She is the founder of The Legacy Lounge, an online soul care spa, community center, and a library of courses you need for your being and the doing of your legacy of faith. You can find her hanging out at https://susangaddis.net/blog/
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Susan always has great ideas. These are great too.
Thank you! I needed to read this this morning! Thank you & Thank the Lord for leading me to you site! Blessings!
Thank you for stopping by! I hope the Lord brings you an extra measure of hope and joy today.
Thank you! I never thought to pray for my adult kids to become uncomfortable in their sin. Thank you!
It’s a great idea! my kids are still younger, but I pray sometimes that their sin would find them out…that they’d be caught so I can help them move forward before it gets too bad.
Allow your grown child to sin… thank you! Never thought of that. Also, is there ever a time when your grown children stop doing everything opposite of what you suggest? Thanks. This is a timely encouragement.
My children are 43 and 41 . My son who is 43 brought up as a practicing catholic went to mass every Sunday to well past confirmation. He was an altar boy as well and then he just didn’t want to go anymore . Now at 43 he has lots of questions . My daughter had the same upbringing but I suppose having 2 kids she doesn’t make the time but she believes . Now my two wonderful grandchildren boy 4 and girl 2 loves church my husband and I have been taking them to church since they were both 1 yrs old they absolutely love it and are so well behaved . We have all childrens God books to look at I pray they stay the course and I pray my son comes back
I love that you’re still praying for them. Never give up! And remember that questions aren’t a bad thing – God can handle our questions. Pray that your kids ask God the questions, instead of just ignoring them, because when we seek, God answers!
I can’t love this enough! God’s timing is always perfect. Once again He has shown me how He is always looking out for each of us. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom.
Reading your post made my day. As a mom seeing our child grow righteously with the help of God is such a big blessing a mother can be proud of. Thank you for writing content about raising a child in gods way. Great post!
Thank you, I needed this today. We all want our children to know Jesus, his goodness and love.
We sometime feel like we failed them if they don’t seek him. I pray for them to find how much love he has, and understand that all things come from him.
Thank you so much for the encouragement… I’ve been praying for my “prodigal” for years now, this really gives me hope!
Thank you!🙏🏻
I love that phrase, “he’s still out getting his testimony”. Gonna hold onto that!
Reading this again made my day. No one beats having a happy and God-centered family.
Thank you for your encouragement this issue of my son. I pray for God to bring someone into my son’s life that will turn him back to Jesus.
May God say a great big YES to your prayer!
Thank you. I worry about my daughter and son. Neither go to church. Both were raised in church. I have felt like I have let them down and God down. I needed to read this. I pray that they will return to church but I pray more that they seek God daily.
I have felt the same! Then a friend pointed out to me that God was a perfect parent to Adam and Eve. He understands what is like to have children that don’t walk in faith. Oh how He understands!
Well I guess you would call me one of those children who you hope will fall. I am no longer a Christian and don’t want the Christian religion anywhere near my child. My (estranged) grandmother has send books about god to my 8 month old baby with a written note that says I hope when you get older you find god. Not an I love you, I hope the best for you, I hope you’re future is as bright as your eyes. Nothing. The first words that she wants my son to hear from her are I hope you find god? That is completely disconnected and out of touch. I guarantee the reason grown children raised in Christianity turn their backs on the religion is because of the constant shame and judgement placed on them their entire lives. I will not allow my child to grow up feel like they have to hide who they are because it doesn’t fit in some perfect Christian mold. Is that really what you think Jesus would do if he were here today? You think forcing religion down the throats of babies is what he wants? My son is taught to help those with less privileges, fight against injustice, protect the earth and treat everyone with respect and dignity. From what I’ve seen of Christians these days, I’m not seeing those reflected in any of them. You all only care about forcing your religion but not about the building blocks that supposedly make up your religion.
Don’t force your religion on your grandkids and respect your children.
The devil is on the front pew. I’ve experience the judgement the shame. I can tell you don’t let the devil win the souls of you and your children by letting people rob you of our beautiful heavenly home. God is love. People will lead you wrong. God lives in our hearts not in church. I love you and want you to know the next home. This life is very short and our heavenly home is eternal. I pray for you and me to meet there💕
The devil is on the front pew. I’ve experience the judgement the shame. I can tell you don’t let the devil win the souls of you and your children by letting people rob you of our beautiful heavenly home. God is love. People will lead you wrong. God lives in our hearts not in church. I love you and want you to know the next home. This life is very short and our heavenly home is eternal. I pray for you and me to meet there
I’m so sorry that you have experienced people who say they are Christ followers but don’t act like He acted! You say “My son is taught to help those with less privileges, fight against injustice, protect the earth, and treat everyone with respect and dignity.” This is the way Jesus lived! Maybe you are more of a Christ follower than you think!!! Wishing you the best in raising your child! And yes, praying that you will meet some true followers of Jesus Christ!!!!
Just saw this article. Oh how I needed this. Been praying for our children. Daughter 36 and son 35. Both went through Christian school. Daughter to Christian college. Son 2 years of community college. Both are single and not attending church. Both work but seeing them with no spouse and not going to church breaks my heart daily. Not a day without worry and that’s where I need work. Been praying for God to move/place someone in their lives to bring them back to walking in the word. Yes I feel like a failure. Thank you for your words and giving me some thought and glimpse of hope
My two grandsons want to be baptized but they only get to church occasionally when they go with us. Their parents dont go to church but I do think they believe in God. The boys want to be immersed like Jesus but our church does not do that. I am not sure their hope is possible – a church that immerses probably would not baptize a non member.
Hi Kathie! I pray that the Lord brings a solution to mind for your grandsons.
I know how you feel! My granddaughter also wants to be baptized! But her father has said no. My brother who is an elder in his church baptized his granddaughter, with her parents permission, in a local river last summer. We made her a baptismal certificate stating she had been baptized into Jesus Christ. I don’t find any Biblical examples that say only ordained ministers can baptize or that anyone in the Bible was baptized into a particular denomination. Maybe you could do something like this for your grandsons if their parents approve.
Kim A.Hill says:I have a 33year old son that has decide that I’ve not accepted his homosexuality lifestyle.No I didn’t accept his lifestyle in my home.He came back home with my consent in 2021.On a temporary basis to get his self back on his feet. At this point he doesn’t talk to me. I’m praying for his understanding of my faith & my rules of my house.
Love you children not there sins. We all fall short of the glory of God. We are all sinners. Jesus didn’t eat at the table of sinless people.
Praying for you and your son. Remember, it’s easy to say “yes,” and difficult to say “no.” Many of the stories I have read of gay men leaving the homosexual lifestyle say it was in part of their parents’ prayers and their parents saying “no” to allowing the lifestyle into their homes. “Because I love you, I want you to stop…” something I remember reading from a mom. It’s easy to allow your son to make you feel guilty. I know. It’s his struggle and taking it out on you. Just keep praying!
Thank you for #3. I really needed to hear that one today!
Praying for you and your son. Remember, it’s easy to say “yes,” and difficult to say “no.” Many of the stories I have read of gay men leaving the homosexual lifestyle say it was in part of their parents’ prayers and their parents saying “no” to allowing the lifestyle into their homes. “Because I love you, I want you to stop…” something I remember reading from a mom. It’s easy to allow your son to make you feel guilty. I know. It’s his struggle and taking it out on you. Just keep praying!
Thank you for your most encouraging post. My two adult sons were brought up in church but slipped away after marrying our lovely daughters’ in laws. I wonder what I could have done better but now have had to hand things over to God. (That’s hard to do, even when I know He is has a much better plan than I!)
Please do more articles like this. My Son and Daughter in law tell us We can not say a word about God and Jesus. Even no music. As Grand parents as you know this is very hard. It took over 10 years thru infertility and finally thru open adoption God gave us Our Son he is an amazing Man so this is hard and we know we may only have one or two Grandchildren. We both love children and this has been Our dream for them so all words of wisdom are needed. Thank you
I’ve read the comments and all these mothers seem to have raised their children in a Christian home. I was not raised in a Christian home nor were my children. I was 72 when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, my daughter was 52. We were both Baptized on her 52nd birthday. We both attend a Wesleyan Church which practices Christianity. I have a really hard time forgiving myself for not doing right by my children. You see I have a son who passed in 2013 from complications of diabetes. As far as I know he was neither saved or Baptized. I pray for him. He was a good son a good father and a good person and it’s heartbreaking knowing that goodness will not get him into Heaven, I’m praying that the Lord loves him enough to keep my son with Him. As far as forgiving myself for not raising my children in a Christian home, that to me was a sin. Jesus died on the cross to take that sin away and many others that I committed. By accepting Him I am free of my past sins. I think given time and implementing the 3 steps given , your children and grandchildren will make the right decision and follow Christ. And while you are praying for your families, will you please pray for my son, his name is Jeff. Thank you and God Bless. (by the way I turn 76 this year).
This was God sent! Thank you! Confirms Paul’s writings in 1 Corinthians 13:7
“If you love someone you will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.”
The meaning of this passage from the apostle Paul coincides directly with your article !
What a blessing that comes from God in a matter of 30 minutes separation! Such peace! We all need to hear from God in the special way and your article is wonderful!🙏🏻💫📖👏🏻