It’s time to get talking about sex. Well, sort of. You and I don’t need to talk about it. That would be weird. But we MUST talk to our kids about it. Unless we want our kids to absorb and emulate the world’s views on the topic, we must beat the world to the punch.
Frankly, the world is a quick teacher. Children are accessing pornography at very young ages, often by accident (think about what would happen if they Googled “pussy”, looking for cat pictures). There are also many other children eager to initiate others into the club of understanding.
Not sure if it’s actually the right time to talk to your kid about sex? Check out this fab blog post!
My kids are too young (at 4, 6, and 9) for a lot of the resources out there, but we’ve already done quite a lot of age-appropriate teaching with our two eldest. In addition, our 4-year-old knows the basic differences between boys and girls. In fact, the other day he was making up a song that definitely needed to stay in the family!
Below are some of the resources I have found helpful.
1) Get thinking about the topic with “The Talks”
I began with this book, and it got me motivated to source out more child-appropriate literature on the topic. This book is for parents. The author shares ideas for different conversations that should be happening with your kids during their growing-up years.
I don’t 100% agree with everything he says, but he has great conversation starters. I found the book very thought-provoking. “The Talks” is pertinent whether your baby is still in utero or is ready to walk out the door to college.
2) Teach Body Basics and Puberty from an early age
Every kid needs to learn the basics of how their body is different from the opposite sex, and what puberty is all about.
There are a lot of great books out there that will help teach these differences, and you probably already have a favorite. Here are 3 resources you might not already know about:
- The neat thing about the “Learning About Sex” series is that you can choose the narrator’s point of view: boy or girl. This series has five ages: 4-6, 7-9, 10-12, 13-15, and 17+. You could easily use each book a couple years earlier. For example, we have used the book for ages 7-9 with both our 4 and 7 year old already. See the “Learning About Sex” series on Amazon.
- Luke and Tricia Gilkerson’s “Changes” book is my favorite devotional-style book on these topics. This book on puberty is book 2 in the series, designed for kids ages 8-12. See “Changes” on Amazon.
- If you’d like someone to do the heavy lifting and actually teach your child FOR you (although you should still be available for conversation and questions!), I highly recommend this complete, video-based Christian Sex Ed curriculum from Sex Ex Reclaimed.
Speaking of sex, here’s an important article I read recently. It draws attention to the different ways we talk to our sons and daughters about sex. I think these conversations are crucial to have with our sons and daughters.
3) Teach about God’s design for sex
It took us 4 months to get through the 7 simple lessons in “The Talk”, but we finally finished! They were excellent.
Kids ages 4-10 are the target audience, and the author covers an incredible amount of content in the 7 short-ish devotions. From body differences between male and female to a generalized overview of the making of babies, and from sex within marriage being a good thing created by God to adultery and abuse, everything is explained in a very child-friendly way.
The best part? The books are basically scripts for the parent. SO EASY TO USE!!
We first read “The Talk” when our eldest was 7, re-read it with the oldest two when they were 6 and 8, and then pulled it out again when our youngest was 9.
Check out “The Talk” on Amazon
Prefer a full video curriculum? Sex Ed Reclaimed also talks about sex in their lessons.
4) Talk about abuse
It is a sad fact of our fallen world that many children end up being used for the sexual gratification of others. This could be comparing penises on the bus, touching at sleepovers, or full-blown child molestation. We don’t want our children to experience any of these things, but because children are so teachable and typically want to please others, they are so incredibly vulnerable.
The purpose of this book (I Said NO!) is to draw attention to people who are “green flags” and people/situations that are “red flags”. Seriously, I think this book goes over almost every situation a child could encounter, and it repeatedly shows them what to do in a red flag situation: say NO loudly, and “get the heck out of there!” My boys love to shout that part. 🙂
Amazon link not showing? Here’s the book.
The book also reassures children over and over that they are not at fault if abuse happens to them, and that no matter what they’re told might happen, they NEED to tell someone.
Written by a mom and her son after he encountered a “red flag” situation at a sleepover, this is probably the book my kids have enjoyed the most because there are repetitive phrases they like chanting.
5) Talk about Pornography
One of the most damaging things in our culture today is the prevalence of pornography. New research shows us that pornography is incredibly bad for the brain and for relationships. There’s really nothing good in it, and there’s certainly nothing God-honoring about it.
But how do you broach this topic in a way that doesn’t make your kids want to go look it up? Good question! I highly recommend a book called Good Pictures, Bad Pictures. I’ve read it with kids ages 7-12, and all were able to grasp the concepts provided.
What I loved about this book was that the idea of the feeling brain vs. the thinking brain is both very scientific AND very useful in normal life. The addictive potential of pornography is well illustrated in this book, but I find myself using its teachings to illustrate self-control in general. I can’t recommend this one enough.
BONUS: There’s now a JR version of this book for ages 3-6!
On a related note, the Gilkerson’s third book, “Relationships”, also discusses the issue of pornography in the context of healthy sexuality. This book is for kids ages 11-14.
Check out “Relationships” on Amazon
If you only want to get a couple of books, I would recommend The Talk and Good Pictures Bad Pictures. From there, you can fill in any gaps with other material.
And if you’re ready to start REALLY engaging this topic, you need to start praying. That’s why I’m offering my free guide to praying over your child’s screen use.
Thank you! This is a conversation topic that comes up quite often with Sean and I. Our prayer is to provide our son with the tools he needs to grow up safe and into a Godly man with solid character. We will for sure be ordering most of these!
I’m so glad you found this list helpful! God bless as you raise your precious little man. 🙂
Blessings on all of us parenting boys or girls …..pls Lord help us, teach our children how ypu created sex and protect their hearts ♡♡
Amen! It’s a beautiful thing, so easily twisted.
This is overwhelming information. I’m glad that there are resources but I don’t know where to start. I have a 7&9 year old.
I would start by reading “The Talks”, which is the first book I referenced. It will help you start thinking about WHY it’s important to have these conversations with our kids. To start with your kids, I would grab a copy of “The Talk” (the Luke Gilkerson book) and slowly work through it with your kids. After that, I think you’ll feel better equipped to fill in the gaps! I hope that helps.